Learning How to Say NO!!!

(Day 15: Curing the disease to please.)

By just looking at the title of this video and workshop for the day I don’t even want to watch it, yes it’s that bad because this is something that I have been working on for years.  I am a people pleaser and a good friend of mine once told me “you are mother to the world” that is your vocation.  And he is right.  I try to be mother to the world and take care of everyone and sometimes I have to realize that some people need to want help before I can do anything for them.

Sometimes I do things just to be accepted or to feel like I am wanted.  This is a huge problem for me especially with the fire department, for a long time I almost never said no to anything and volunteered for everything.  And look where it has not gotten me; any more accepted, appreciated, or wanted.  I have begun to make this a life lesson for myself and have backed off considerably not just in the dept but in saying yes to a lot of things I just simply don’t have time to.

Today’s lesson: learn to say: “let me check my schedule and I’ll get back to you.” This will give me enough to time understand and process the “yes” and really check to make sure it is in line with my goals.  For example, yesterday in my first Organic Chemistry lab of the semester, a random person asked me if I wanted to be part of a committee (who ever thought it was a good idea to put me on a committee that has anything to do with O-chem is beyond me – probably because he knew I would say yes) and the lab coordinator (whom I know very well, and knows me very well) told me that I was not allowed to say yes and that I needed to focus on my studies for me!  He knows me well enough to know that I probably wouldn’t have had the will-power to say no and he helped me.  It was great!

Something else that I need to consider when saying yes is “why am I doing this?”  Is it for someone to like me, is it because I expect something in return, or is it because I really want to help this person!?

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